virus, part I

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation. Anonymous

This is not good. Four seniors and two associates tendered their resignation today. Uh oh. NOT good. Do I need to ask anyone if something is wrong here??? Is this ‘phenomenon’ an annual thing? In our group???

It doesn’t help at all if you feel like a drowned rat from clocking in more than 18 hours of work a day for the last few days just to produce that all-important four-page report.

As if to assuage our fears, one of our Group partners is dispensing wisdom about work-work balance. You read right, my friend. That’s how I understand his speech. Sacrifice now, reap the rewards later in life. Oh no, please don’t say that THAT will take us 30 years!!!! :(

I fear that at the rate we’re going, we’re all going to break down, one way or another. The working environment is a lot different here. Their 'seriousness' is very palpable you can actually touch it. Yup, this might be the irreverent side of me in full throttle but I can not help what I see. For one, I now fully appreciate the automated/electronic way of doing a lot of things. Saves you time and a great measure of your sanity. Out here, people are obssessed with manual cross-referencing, casting, cross-casting, etc. of files. They have elevated this art to science. And I often find myself freaking out. Well, not only me, there are my ‘pearl of the orient’ friends who know whereof I speak. I mean, does EVERYTHING have to be cross-referred? Yup. Everything has to be filed and in order. At times, I have this twisted feeling that they are more critical than, say, disposing of the issues of our clients. Deadlines be damned but we gotta have the files spic-and-span. Then there’s the manual process of monitoring time and costs chargeable to our clients, as in you have to go through the flip-through-the-thick-folders-then-add-up-the-numbers-for-your-clients process. By the way, the files are sorted per month not per clients, so…

I have a theory for this apparent obssessiveness to the cross-referencing thing. This attitude is simply a microscopic represention of what they really are. They need directions. They need instructions. It is a way of life. They will be lost if you pull out a signpost or two from the road or the MRT stations. Maps are practically everywhere, free for the taking. So that no one gets lost. So that they know where to proceed. I am willing to argue this self-proclaimed theory. :)

Now, this is not what I was initially driving at. Oh well, I guess I gotta keep part II of my confession (my apologies to usher).

whadda...!!!!!

This piece is in memory of my much-loved jacket which vanished in plain sight several minutes ago.

I distinctly remember it flailing here and there as I rushed off from the mrt to go to breadtalk to buy me some bread. I must tell you that I woke up dreaming of fire floss, thus, my resolve to have it before I subject myself to another day of hard labor (at the office, that's where).

I was quite fast I reached the store in one minute flat. I took a quick look at my trusty old jacket. It was still there. Fine. As usual, I was greeted by the delicious smell of yummy breads in all shapes and sizes. I went to the left side of the kinda v-shaped store precisely because that was where I saw the heavenly fire floss. I was so caught up on deciding which ones had the most toppings I didn’t notice my treasured possession slipped away from my bag. I rushed to the counter at the junction a few feet away and waited for the lady to leave as she had already paid for her loot. I reached for my bag to take out my wallet. Then it hit me. The jacket was gone. Unfazed, I took a few steps back and craned my neck to scan the left side of the store where I’d been. Nothing there. Who the f*^%^*# took it? And by golly, why? It was relatively worn out, for one.

The whole incident happened in only under six minutes and the place was not even packed with hungry wolves, er, people yet. There were just three or four other ladies there so…. Whatever. I still couldn’t accept the fact that my jacket was nowhere there.

It’s a little crazy. You see, we shopped from time to time and as far as I know, people wouldn’t care much less took interest in your goods even if you left them in one corner to go somewhere else (buy a forgotten item, go to the restroom, etc) before heading home.

I was just so sore about the whole thing, I guess. That jacket was witness to a number of memorable events of my life.

baptism of fire

my newfound friend here is raring to come back home. she feels she does not belong here. she says she practically drag her feet to work everyday. things are not what she expect them to be.

no amount of consolation can change her current predicament.

i can so relate to what she is feeling right now. it's not that the stars are not exactly in my favor, though, because we agree that she is a little worse off emotionally than i am. you see, at work we always face a blank wall. no, make that blank faces, blank stares, blank everything. i mean, duh? is it that hard to greet the day smiling? why do they look like they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? even the most optimistic person could suffer paranoia around these people.

i don't want to elaborate anymore on the reasons for our blah and so-so state most days of the week. also, after all the countless nitpicking with my been-there-done-that friends, i have decided to stop questioning these locals', uh, cultural peculiarities. (whatever that may mean to you.) they told me they are just like that so i should deal and bear with it. period. yeah, right.

there's no mistaking it. it is always hard being a new entrant. the idea of finding your way and getting into the thick of things sometimes make you want to retreat in a corner and sulk. i was so convinced that i could live and earn my keep here for two years at the least. now that i am here, will someone please stand up and convince me to keep my promise 'coz i am having bouts of self-doubting.

did i not think long and hard enough? did i unknowingly sacrifice things that should have mattered to me? worst of all, was i irreversibly blinded by the good pay?

even if i try, i can not think of any other overriding reason why i packed my bags, took the flight then plunged into this unchartered territory - at least for me - except for the promise of a better future. am i bad for thinking that?

by far, this is the first time i let all the potentially lethal thoughts run free. for my own good, i shall now seal them in.


p.s.

while i was writing this heart-rending piece, one of my local colleagues came up to me and told me about the accounts she was transferring me. then she asked me how i was, etc....what's else, you ask? she actually said that every one of them was approachable and ever ready to help us. huh?! come again? i was afraid i uttered my thoughts out loud because she proceeded to tell me that they look like they are always so buried with work (which they are, promise!) and appear indifferent (my mind was really talking to her!!!) but, surprise, they are not. the indifferent part, of course. they are just like that (did she read this blog???). all in all, i honestly think she is friendly. in fact i kinda like her even before this talk. so i believe her. nice noh?! ;->