Bringing the house down

One cool Saturday evening…

‘…walang pakiramdam ang mga magulang,’ I heard Grannie say as I got myself seated to her left.
‘Ano yun?’ I asked earnestly. I turned to my left and pinched Twixie’s plump cheeks.
‘Si Grannie, nanlalait na naman ng contestant,’ Ria said, smiling conspiratorially with Grannie.
I looked at the tv and saw this show, Pinoy Pop Superstar, hosted by Regine Velazquez, a.k.a. Asian Songbird, being shown.
‘Alam namang walang kagaling-galing ang anak, pinasasali pa. Kaya daw, di naman. Niloloko nila anak nilang walaaaaanggggg ka- talent-talent! Tingnan mo, ginatungan pa ng mga kamag-anak. Naku, dinadamay pa tayo sa lokohan!’ Grannie said, very seriously.
The monologue elicited a round of laughter. It didn’t end there.
‘Pati si Pop ay kita mong di natutuwa sa batang iyan,’ said the self-appointed critic.
‘Pop?’ everyone on the table echoed.
‘Aba, di ba si Pinoy Pop ang host?’ Grannie asked, looking at me, as if asking for a way out.

*****

We were furiously attacking banana fritters. I was cutting portions for Twixie, but I could sense Grannie was watching us. Then…
‘Tingnan mo nga si Bae,’ Grannie said.
‘Ha? Bakit po?’ I asked, not sure what she was driving at.
‘Papa pa ang pinapatawag sa ama ni Janjan. “Punta ka sa papa.” Naku, hindi ko mapigilang tumawa,’ she said. Janjan is Bae’s kid.
‘Grannie…’ I said as I shook my head, instantly aware where the conversation was going.
‘Nung araw, Inang at Amba ang tawag namin sa aming mga magulang. Pag nanay at tatay, aba, mayaman na yun. Bigatin na,’ she continued.
‘Mga Bicolano, Grannie, papa ang tawag nila, kahit ano…’ Nanay said, matter-of-factly.
‘Tsaka Grannie, kelan pa yung panahon nyo? Muntik mo na yata maabutan first world war eh,’ I said.
‘Grannie, sa amin babalik ang pagpuna mo, sige ka,’ Meng warned. Oh gosh.
‘Hayaan nyo na sila. Mukhang ok na nga si Janjan. Mataba, singkit pa. Chinese, hehehe,’ I added, looking Grannie’s way hopefully.
‘Naku, manglo ang batang yun!’ Grannie boomed.
All of them began laughing hysterically. I, on the other hand, started to laugh because the word sounded very funny to me. I didn’t know what the word meant.
‘Whaddaheck is ‘manglo’,Meng?’ Ms. Almost Always Clueless asked helplessly. They were practically beet red from laughing. I wanna be like them!
‘Tabang hangin,’ Nanay barely managed to say.
Heavens!

*****

The laughter subsided a bit. We looked at Twixie who seemed to be loving the fritters to bits. She was applauding fitfully, looking menacingly at the bit-size portions I piled on her plate. It was time for another lesson.
‘Twixie, say “delicioso!”. Try?’ I prodded, trying to demonstrate how to execute the act. Meg and Bianchi had perfected this lesson, eh?
The kid just kept on nodding her head, smiling widely as she willed her tiny fingers to mimic my hand. A few more attempts and all we heard were incoherent ramblings at best. I gave her A-plus for effort.
‘Tama na, baby. Bata ka pa, pressured na,’ I said as I lightly pinched her cheeks.
Then, Grannie craned her neck to see Twixie more clearly.
‘Twixie, sige nga. Say “malicioso!”. Twixie, go. “Malicioso!” Grannie coaxed the poor kid. Twixie gave her a puzzled look only a toddler her age could muster.
We almost fell off the chair.