baptism of fire

my newfound friend here is raring to come back home. she feels she does not belong here. she says she practically drag her feet to work everyday. things are not what she expect them to be.

no amount of consolation can change her current predicament.

i can so relate to what she is feeling right now. it's not that the stars are not exactly in my favor, though, because we agree that she is a little worse off emotionally than i am. you see, at work we always face a blank wall. no, make that blank faces, blank stares, blank everything. i mean, duh? is it that hard to greet the day smiling? why do they look like they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? even the most optimistic person could suffer paranoia around these people.

i don't want to elaborate anymore on the reasons for our blah and so-so state most days of the week. also, after all the countless nitpicking with my been-there-done-that friends, i have decided to stop questioning these locals', uh, cultural peculiarities. (whatever that may mean to you.) they told me they are just like that so i should deal and bear with it. period. yeah, right.

there's no mistaking it. it is always hard being a new entrant. the idea of finding your way and getting into the thick of things sometimes make you want to retreat in a corner and sulk. i was so convinced that i could live and earn my keep here for two years at the least. now that i am here, will someone please stand up and convince me to keep my promise 'coz i am having bouts of self-doubting.

did i not think long and hard enough? did i unknowingly sacrifice things that should have mattered to me? worst of all, was i irreversibly blinded by the good pay?

even if i try, i can not think of any other overriding reason why i packed my bags, took the flight then plunged into this unchartered territory - at least for me - except for the promise of a better future. am i bad for thinking that?

by far, this is the first time i let all the potentially lethal thoughts run free. for my own good, i shall now seal them in.


p.s.

while i was writing this heart-rending piece, one of my local colleagues came up to me and told me about the accounts she was transferring me. then she asked me how i was, etc....what's else, you ask? she actually said that every one of them was approachable and ever ready to help us. huh?! come again? i was afraid i uttered my thoughts out loud because she proceeded to tell me that they look like they are always so buried with work (which they are, promise!) and appear indifferent (my mind was really talking to her!!!) but, surprise, they are not. the indifferent part, of course. they are just like that (did she read this blog???). all in all, i honestly think she is friendly. in fact i kinda like her even before this talk. so i believe her. nice noh?! ;->